El Libro Completamente Inofensivo de Black Hat. Vol 1. Summary

The Completly Inofensive Book of Black Hat

The Villainous books have not been translated into English — an unfortunate fact, considering that several of them play a major role in the lore.

That's why I've decided to summarize the canonical route from The Completly Inofensive Book of Black Hat Vol. 1

Yes, I said “route” — these are the kind of books with branching paths that depend on the choices the character makes.

Without further ado, let’s begin.

Volume 1

The story begins with a young man greeting us with curiosity. He appears to be around 18 years old. When he seems to notice us, he can't help but get excited — he doesn't know how much time has passed, but he’s been trapped for a long time.

He tells us that if we're trying to talk to him, he can't hear us. He can only see our presence through a sort of floating page in the air that describes our actions via text — as if he's seeing us through a book, just as we see him and his actions.

Two options appear in the book:

• Do you want to know his name?

• If you don’t want to know his name, close the book and leave.

The young man says he can also see the options we’re being shown.

He introduces himself as Kaleb, a member of an ancient brotherhood called Men Without Hats. This group exists to stop an evil organization that secretly funds all kinds of villains from the shadows.

The brotherhood sent seven agents, codenamed Bailarines, to infiltrate the organization base. Many secrets were successfully leaked, but unfortunately, the habitants of the base noticed their presence — a scientist, a mutant beast, and the leader. Only two agents managed to escape: Magician and Cooper. Three agents — Jar, Itzot, and Valen — were captured and subjected to vile experiments by the scientist, leading to their deaths. The whereabouts of one member remain unknown, though it is known they were also captured.

Kaleb tells us that he uncovered several of the leader’s secrets. When the leader found out, he personally came after Kaleb and, using his magic, sealed him inside a book. Kaleb has been trying to escape from the book’s pages for five years without success.

Kaleb believes that, as a reader, we might be able to help him somehow.

Once again, two options appear:

• Help him

• Don’t help him

We choose to help him.

Kaleb asks us to draw a door to help him escape from where he is. We follow his request and draw the door.

Upon entering the drawn door, Kaleb finds himself somewhere else. He believes he’s finally escaped the book — but in reality, he’s only shifted to another sealed dimension within it.

Now, he’s in what looks like a hotel lobby. In the room, on a desk, there’s an old computer, and on top of it, a frame bearing a logo that reads: Black Hat Organization.

There doesn’t seem to be anyone around, so Kaleb decides to check the computer.

The machine looks outdated, and its screen displays:

Directory

• Administrative Offices of Black Hat Organization
  .Guardian – Online
  .Air Conditioning – Online

Floor List

Floor 13: Maze
Floor 000: Basement
Floor -001: Gift Shop

These floors appear to be accessible via an elevator nearby.

In one of the desk drawers, Kaleb finds several folders and a note that reads:

If you want to get out of here, find the maze
— C.E.

In another drawer, there’s a flashlight, a bottle of water, and a can of dinosaur food labeled Valeria Rapture.

Kaleb tells us he’s really hungry and asks if he should eat the canned food.

Two options appear:

• Yes

• No

We choose No.

Kaleb decides to store the can in his backpack.

Out of nowhere, terrifying sounds begin to echo. Kaleb catches a glimpse of an enormous, indescribable beast — it has what seem to be tentacles, glowing greenish eyes, and a fur-like coat made of sharp quills.

Panicked, Kaleb starts running. Minutes pass, and he begins to tire. Then he remembers the can of food in his backpack. Kaleb decides to throw it at the monster — the can explodes on impact, spreading its contents across the floor. The beast becomes distracted, and Kaleb looks around for a place to escape.

He spots the elevator, but the buttons aren’t working. It requires a key to activate. The monster reappears, and in the hallway near the elevator are two doors: one labeled Betting Room, the other Copy Room.

Kaleb asks us which one to enter:

• Betting Room

• Copy Room

We choose Betting Room.

Upon entering, Kaleb finds himself inside a circus tent. He walks in and sees a sharply dressed man with a wide grin, blue skin, and a matching blue mustache. The man speaks in a strange mix of French and Spanish.

The man tells Kaleb that he loves bets — and if we want the key to the elevator, we’ll have to win a wager against him.

The being introduces himself as Krupier, and places five keys in front of Kaleb. He may choose only one. If he chooses incorrectly, the beast waiting outside the room will devour him.

Kaleb turns to look at us once again and asks for our help.

We help him choose the correct key.

Kaleb is suddenly ejected from the tent and reappears in front of the elevator. He enters and selects Floor 13.

The doors open to reveal a new dimension — a colossal labyrinth stretching far and wide, with a ceiling that seems to rise several kilometers above. It’s a massive room illuminated by stained glass windows that radiate light.

As Kaleb approaches the entrance, he notices a plaque with an inscription that reads:

Congratulations on making it this far. To cross this maze, only an eye in the sky can show the way.

We guide Kaleb through the labyrinth, and at the exit, a bright white light becomes visible.

Kaleb thanks us for our help, believing this to be the exit from the book.

As Kaleb stepped forward, he couldn’t see much — but the environment changed drastically, and he suddenly felt his body sinking into water.

Without warning, Kaleb was swept away by a powerful current. After struggling not to drown, he eventually arrived at another unknown place.

There, he saw two humanoid figures approaching. Both held spears and wore armor made of coral — one green, the other blue.

Kaleb turns to us and asks whether he should speak to them:

• Yes

• No

We choose Yes.

Kaleb decides to speak with the figures, who seem to be some kind of guards, hoping they might help him. However, as soon as he reveals his position, the guards immediately go on alert.

Kaleb tries to explain himself, but it's useless. They capture him and escort him to the king of their kind — amphibian-like beings.

As he enters, Kaleb sees more of these creatures staring at him. At the front, on a massive throne, sits their king, surrounded by elderly members of their species.

Next to the king is a smaller, empty throne.

Kaleb tries to explain that he arrived there by accident, but the king — leader of the beings known as the Guachis — doesn’t believe him.

The Guachis had been sealed inside this book because of humans. To the king, humans are nothing but monsters.

Before being imprisoned, Kaleb mentions the fact that they’re all trapped in a book — which shocks the elders around the throne.

Later, in the dungeon, Kaleb is chained by both hands and feet in a chamber where the water rises all the way to his chin.

After some time, Kaleb notices someone approaching — a Guachi. She’s the daughter of the king, the princess.

She looks at Kaleb with curiosity. She has never seen a human up close before.

They talk and introduce themselves. She tells him her name is Nango.
After a short conversation, she leaves.

A few minutes later, Kaleb heard the cell doors open. It was the elders. They asked him about the book — they knew of it, but they had no idea about us, the reader, whom Kaleb had told them about. After some hesitation, unsure whether to believe him or not, they finally chose to trust him.

The elders made him a proposal: if he and we, the reader, helped them escape, they would send their strongest warrior along with a few soldiers to find a way out. Kaleb would have three days, unchained, to decide.

During those three days, Princess Nango visited him often, eager to talk about anything and everything.

Nango was fascinated by the similarities between human and Guachi culture.

She told Kaleb that dancing was something rarely done in their world. Kaleb smiled and said that once they escaped the book, they would dance together.

When the deadline ended and Kaleb accepted the proposal, the mission to escape the book began. Kaleb was introduced to the strongest Guachi warrior: Thabeet. With him, and our guidance as readers, they would search for a way out.

Before they departed, Nango made Kaleb promise that when they returned, they would finally have that long-awaited dance. Kaleb promised her, and they said goodbye with tears in their eyes.

Thabeet told Kaleb of a prophecy — one that spoke of a warrior guided by a voice from the sky.

Hours later, the first challenge appeared: a beast known as "The Sea's Bane" — a monstrous creature of enormous size, made of shadow, with a ship embedded in its back, one arm of ice, and the other a giant anchor.

A series of choices appeared before us, the readers. One after another, we made the right calls, and the monster was finally defeated.

After the battle, Kaleb and the group entered a fog-covered cave. Taking advantage of the calm, Thabeet gifted Kaleb a dagger as a sign of gratitude, saying that such a weapon was only given to warriors deemed formidable.

Moments later, without warning, a ship emerged from the fog. It began to pursue them and attacked with a harpoon, causing a massive explosion. Kaleb and Thabeet were captured by pirates.

Onboard the ship, they met Captain Flame — a tall man in an elegant red suit and black boots, with a hook hand and a beard made entirely of fire.

Unsure of what to do, Thabeet came up with a plan: create a distraction so Kaleb could escape.

Thabeet charged at the pirate captain, but the man simply smiled.

In response, Captain Flame embraced Thabeet — and ignited them both in a fiery blaze, killing Thabeet instantly.

 Kaleb, shocked and filled with rage, launched himself at the pirate — but was quickly overpowered and thrown into a cell.

Hours later, he was brought up to the deck, where Captain Flame was waiting for him. The pirate told Kaleb that not only had they been sealed inside the book by the man with the hat — they had also been cursed by him. The curse left them unable to satisfy their hunger unless they consumed gold. The captain and his crew were doomed to survive only by eating the gold they stole. But gold was growing scarcer, and if they ever escaped the book, they would stop at nothing to break the curse and exact revenge.

Captain Flame then took the page through which we, the readers, communicated with Kaleb, and took Kaleb himself as a hostage.

He threatened us: if we didn’t help him escape the book, he would burn Kaleb alive — just like he did with Thabeet — and he would burn all the Guachis too.

Two options appeared before us:

• Help him

• Don’t help him

We chose to help him.

We helped him reach what seemed to be the final part of the book — the last challenge.

Just before reaching it, Captain Flame showed Kaleb a miraculous substance: the marigold tears. This substance was said to have the power to bring the dead back to life.

The captain planned to perform a ritual using the marigold tears and a sacrifice to summon a legendary ship: The Charon — a vessel from ancient legend, crafted to travel between dimensions, even within or beyond the book.

When they arrived, the captain intended to sacrifice Kaleb. Just as the blade was about to fall, black, red-eyed humanoid creatures rose from the water and began attacking the entire crew.

Kaleb seized the moment. He grabbed the vial of marigold tears and poured it onto the dagger Thabeet had given him. Thabeet’s soul was brought back — though it had no physical form.

Thabeet chose to possess Kaleb, granting him strength and agility. Together, they fought Captain Flame in a fierce battle.

The only way to end it was to sink the ship with the pirate still on board. Kaleb decided to use the captain’s own rage against him. The pirate, consumed by his fury, unleashed more fire than ever.

The creatures surrounded them. Kaleb escaped to the upper deck as the captain was overwhelmed by the beasts.

The pirate lost control of his powers. Fire reached the powder stores — causing a massive explosion.

The blast destroyed the ship and left Kaleb gravely wounded. He managed to stay afloat by clinging to a piece of wood. Thabeet’s spirit faded away.

Kaleb could take no more. He was tired and broken.

He thanked us for everything we’d done — as if saying goodbye. With the last strength he could muster, he shouted:

"Black Hat, show yourself! I have something to offer you!"

No response.

He whispered:

"I want to make a deal..."

Suddenly, the sound, the air, the flames, and the water froze in place.

A dull thud echoed in the distance. Then another. One after the other — closer and closer. Each step seemed to shake every dimension within the book.

Then Kaleb saw him.

Walking on the black water as if it were solid ground, the sound came from his cane tapping the surface with each step.

It was him.

The very being who had sealed Kaleb — and everyone else — inside the book.

At last, he stood before Kaleb.

Dressed in the most elegant attire — clothes fit for a high-society gentleman. Polished shoes, tailored pants, jacket, silk-like tie, and a crimson-red shirt.

His face confirmed that whatever he was — he was not alive. His skin, teeth, and left eye were mere decorations clinging to whatever horror lay underneath.

Only two things looked real: the black hat atop his head — a Victorian-era top hat that reflected no light, as if made from the void itself — and his monocle. When Kaleb looked into it, his heart nearly burst. A single glance filled him with overwhelming anxiety and dread.

The man in the hat gave Kaleb a twisted smile and spoke in a raspy voice:

"Speak quickly before you die."

Kaleb trembled — just as he had the first time he was imprisoned.

With difficulty, Kaleb replied:

"I want to make a deal with you..."

The being let out a manic, soul-chilling laugh that made Kaleb’s blood freeze.

"Show some manners and look at me when you speak."

Kaleb gathered his courage. Eyes wide open, he looked up at him.

"What kind of deal?" he asked.

Kaleb answered: he was willing to let his soul remain in the book for all eternity — in exchange for the Guachis’ freedom.

The man asked:

"What makes you think your pathetic soul is worth such a demand?"

Kaleb replied that his soul would stay willingly, and the being could do whatever he wanted with it. But if the Guachis were harmed, Kaleb would be set free.

Black Hat smiled.

"Deal."

He said, extending his hand.

Kaleb had a vision.

The Guachis were free — swimming through the ocean outside the book. They were joyful. All except for one Guachi — the one who knew the fate of the boy she had fallen deeply in love with.

The creatures, the ship, the being — all disappeared.

Kaleb could do nothing but cry.

The voice of his new master echoed in his mind:

"Now your soul, your memories, and your mind belong to me."

Darkness began to rise.

Kaleb knew he would not be allowed to die.

As the darkness consumed him, he looked at us one last time and said:

"I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I wouldn’t have made it without you. I know you’re wondering why… after everything. The truth is, I don’t know either. I just know I’ve never been so sure of a decision in my life. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you this time. I’m truly grateful. I doubt we’ll meet again — but if we do, I hope it’s under better circumstances."

TO BE CONTINUED IN VOL. 2...